At that place is a story of a man who died and went to heaven to find two signs above 2 different lines. 1 sign said: "ALL THOSE MEN WHO Accept BEEN DOMINATED BY THEIR WIVES, Stand Hither." That line of men seemed to stretch off through the clouds into infinity.

The second sign read: "ALL THOSE WHO HAVE NEVER BEEN DOMINATED BY THEIR WIVES, Stand up HERE." Underneath the sign stood ane human being. He went over to the homo, grabbed his arm and said, "What'southward the hush-hush, how did you do it? That other line has millions of men and y'all are the but i standing in this line." The man looked around with a puzzled expression and said, "Why, I am not sure I know. My wife simply told me to stand here." We have all heard jokes about "who wears the pants in the family." Yet leadership in the home is no laughing matter. During the final few decades our culture has redefined the significant and responsibilities of men and women in society and in the domicile. Many men are confused and insecure. Many practise non know how to human action in the habitation. Growing upwards, they lacked a good model for leadership at habitation and have no mental picture of what it ways to lead a family unit.

Condign passive

Consequently, they do non lead effectively, or they practice not even try. Increasingly, many men are condign passive in the home. They've decided that the easiest thing to practise is zilch. The simplest thing—with the smallest risk—is to stay on the fence with both feet firmly planted in mid-air and let the wife do it. When a man is married to a strong wife who volition have over, he ofttimes lets her practise only that. Fortunately, there is an reply. The Scriptures clearly give usa the model for beingness a homo, a husband, and a father. I call that model the "servant/leader." I hope that the concepts I share volition help y'all understand the biblical function of a husband more clearly than ever before. When correctly interpreted and applied, these concepts non only event in freedom for the hubby and wife, simply will as well help you lot work better as a squad to combat isolation and conflict in your matrimony.

1. Exist a leader.

The Scriptures provide a clear organizational structure for a marriage. For instance:

Merely I want you to sympathize that Christ is the head of every homo, and the human being is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. —one Corinthians xi:three Wives, be subject to your ain husbands, equally to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ too is the head of the church, He Himself existence the Savior of the torso. But as the church is field of study to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.—Ephesians 5:22-24 Husbands, dear your wives, just as Christ besides loved the church building and gave Himself up for her, then that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her celebrity, having no spot or contraction or any such thing; but that she would exist holy and blameless. Then husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his ain wife loves himself; for no i ever hated his own flesh, simply nourishes and cherishes it, just equally Christ also does the church building, because we are members of His body. —Ephesians 5:25-30

"Head" does not mean male dominance, where a man lords it over a woman and demands her total obedience to his every wish and control. God never viewed women as second-form citizens. His Word conspicuously states that we are all equally His children and are of equal value and worth before Him. As Galatians iii:28 tells us, "At that place is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for yous are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28).

Husbands who don't get the message

The didactics of the New Testament clearly shows that women are to exist respected, revered, and treated as equals with men. Unfortunately, many husbands accept non gotten the message. They dethrone their wives by neglect or with insensitive and abusive treatment. One crusade of the feminist motility may take been that men abandoned God's design. When God presented Eve to Adam in the Garden, Adam received her as a gift of great value to God and to himself. When husbands, particularly Christian husbands, do not treat their wives as a precious souvenir from God and helpmate, they can cause those wives to search for means to find significance and value every bit persons, often outside God's will.

Are you lot a leader? Men who are natural leaders have no trouble answering the question "yes." They know how to accept over, control, guide, and get things done. Some men are not potent or are not natural leaders. How tin can they lead in the home?

A position of responsibility

Paul says the same to everyone. God has placed the hubby in the position of responsibility. It does not matter what kind of personality a homo may take. Your married woman may be resisting you, fighting yous, and spurning your attempts to lead, but it makes no difference. I believe our wives want us and demand us to lead. You are non demanding this position; on the reverse, God placed you lot there. Y'all will non lead her perfectly, but you must intendance for you wife and family by serving them with perseverance. Scripture does more than assign leadership in a marriage to the husband, however. Those same passages you merely read also provide a model for that leadership. The Apostle Paul says that the husband is head of the wife as Christ is head of the church building. "This comparison of the married man with Christ reveals the sense in which a man should be his married woman's 'head.'" Hendriksen writes, "He is her head equally being vitally interested in her welfare. He is her protector. His pattern is Christ, who, as head of the church, is its Savior!" Let'southward look more than closely at ii responsibilities that flow out of proper leadership.

two. Love your wife unconditionally.

Ephesians five:25 reads, "Husbands, dear your wives, simply as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Your unconditional credence of your wife is not based upon her operation, just on her worth as God's gift to you lot. If you want to love your wife unconditionally, always be certain her emotional tank is full. One of the best means to practice that is to assert her constantly. Let her know verbally that yous value her, respect her, and love her. I have discovered that I merely cannot do that plenty. There is no question that words communicate love, simply and so practise deportment. You lot need to do both. As the Apostle John wrote in 1 of his letters: "let us not love with words or natural language, just with actions and in truth" (ane John 3:18). I of the missing ingredients in male person leadership in homes is sacrificial action. When was the last time yous gave upward something for your wife—something y'all genuinely valued, similar your golf game, a fishing trip, or your hobby? Sometimes you need to give up something yous enjoy then your wife can take a suspension and see your love for her.

iii. Serve your married woman.

Co-ordinate to the New Attestation, being head of your wife does not mean being her master, only her servant. Again, Christ is our model for this blazon of leadership. Jesus did not merely talk nigh serving; He demonstrated it when he washed His disciples' feet (John thirteen:1-17). Christ, the Head of the Church, took on the very nature of a servant when He was made in human likeness (Philippians 2:seven). Ane of the all-time ways to serve your wife is to empathise her needs and try to see them. Do y'all know what your wife'south meridian three needs are right now? If she is a young mother, she has a sure set of basic needs. If your children are grown and gone and you are in the empty nest, your wife has a different set of needs that you should effort to meet. Is she worried most anything? What troubles her? What blazon of pressure does she feel? Learn the answers to questions like that, and and then do what you lot tin to reduce her worries, her troubles, her pressures. What exercise you know about your married woman's hopes and dreams? I bet she has plenty—practice you lot know what they are? Are you cultivating her gifts? If she has a knack for decorating, do you aid her develop that?

Providing

Another manner to serve your wife is to provide for her. This provision first involves assuming responsibility for meeting the fabric needs of the family. Paul tells us in 1 Timothy 5:8, "Just if anyone does not provide for his ain, and peculiarly for those of his household, he has denied the religion, and is worse than an unbeliever." Providing for your married woman also means taking the initiative in helping meet her spiritual needs. You do this by modeling godly character, by praying with her, past spending time together in God's Give-and-take, and past looking for means to encourage her spiritually. To be a leader, a lover, and a servant is to accommodate your life to the gift God has given you—your wife. Requite upward your life for hers and, at the judgment seat of Christ, He will say, "Well done, thou proficient and faithful retainer." You may want to read Barbara Rainey's article "What Should Be the Wife'southward Function in Marriage?"

Copyright ©2002 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved. Portions of this article were adapted fromStaying Close, by Dennis and Barbara Rainey, 1989, Word Publishing.